I've been reading with great interest this Bob del Grosso post (and the resulting comments) over on Michael Ruhlman's blog. Not the stuff about haute cuisine and molecular gastronomy, because I couldn't care less, but the bits about finicky kids. Del Grosso writes that when his kids were babies he just pureed whatever the family was eating rather than feeding them typical "kid" food, on the theory that they would develop a taste early on for the good stuff and thus be less finicky as they got older. With his daughter, it seems to have worked. With his son? Not so much.
I was fascinated and a teeny bit thrilled to read this because, as you know if you've been reading this blog from the beginning, finicky kids are the whole reason I started the Make Your Own Damn Dinner project in the first place. I've had a lot of people (usually people without kids, or people who raised their kids in a different generation) tell me over the years that the reason my kids are/were picky is because I fed them special "kid" food instead of whatever DH and I were eating. I used to think this was true, but I don't anymore, so it was interesting to read the experience of a professional chef who also happens to be a dad. Here's a guy who's an excellent cook, putting all sorts of enticing stuff on the dinner table every night, and his kid won't eat it! While I have nothing but empathy for his situation, what a relief to hear that maybe I haven't permanently screwed up my kids' palates with my short-order cooking after all.
I've thought a lot over the past year about how I went off the rails and started feeding my kids "kid" food instead of regular food in the first place. It really kind of happened without me noticing it, but looking back, I can kind of see the genesis of the whole thing. I'm documenting it here for other parents who might be asking themselves how THEY ended up in the same place, and for childless folks who might be baffled as to how in the world this could happen to an otherwise mostly rational adult. (Remember, all of us parents were childless once, too. WE were the ones saying, "When I have kids, I'll never xyz!" But then, you know, we actually HAD kids, and ... things changed.)
It really kind of starts when they're born, doesn't it? When you* take your newborn in for well-child checkups every couple of months, the doctor asks you how often he/she nurses and for how long, or how many bottles he/she drinks and how often. They give you guidelines to make sure your kid is eating enough, but not too much. Food is a big focus during the early toddler stage, too -- you come home from the pediatrician with all sorts of information on when to start solids, which ones to try in which order, how to document your child's reaction to each new food that's introduced, how much to give at each serving, how often the child should eat, etc., etc. You get programmed to focus on how, what and when your kid is eating. Along with that are the growth charts -- is your kid growing okay? What percentile is he/she in for weight? Has that percentile changed at all since the last checkup, and if so, does it mean he/she is eating too much? Too little?
It becomes an obsession. There's PRESSURE, okay? Seriously. I don't know if it tends to affect moms more than dads, but I can tell you that most moms I know would cut off their own arm and feed it to the kid IF THE KID WOULD ACTUALLY EAT IT. If your toddler is rejecting his broccoli, and you know he's hungry, and you know he likes crackers, and you just want him to eat so he will GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, you give him the crackers. That's how it starts, and it just kind of goes from there. I'm not saying it's a GOOD thing, and I'm not trying to make excuses for it. I'm just saying, IT HAPPENS, and that's pretty much how. You take the path of least resistance, because you want the kid to EAT. While logically you may KNOW your kid won't starve him/herself if food is available, when it is your own kid, the kid you are supposed to be KEEPING ALIVE, you eventually fall into the habit of feeding them what you know they'll eat. So then their percentages on the charts won't be wonky, and they won't pitch a fit in the restaurant, and they'll go to sleep at night, and all will be right with the world.
Okay! So back to me and MY kids, and fast-forward to now. We have been operating on the Make Your Own Damn Dinner principle for nearly a year, since the kids were 8 and 10 years old. The rules are this: Mom only makes ONE MEAL for the family for dinner. There is enough food for everyone. If you don't want to eat it, you don't have to. You're not REQUIRED to try anything. (But if you do try something new, you get MAD PROPS whether you end up liking it or not.) Hell, you don't even have to eat dinner at all if you're not hungry. However, we offer dessert (usually just something small) every single night, and if you want dessert, you have to eat a specified amount of protein and fruit or veggie for dinner. Grains are optional, because the girl child in particular would happily eat nothing BUT grains, so it's never a struggle to get any into them. If you don't like the protein and veggie I made, you are welcome to MAKE YOUR OWN.
The result of this has been that the boy child now eats the dinner I cook at least 80% of the time. He has tried a ton of new foods and has liked most of them. The girl, on the other hand, eats my food maybe 20-30% of the time. Most nights she makes herself a sandwich consisting of a seeded hamburger bun and a slice of American cheese, and some raw baby carrots. Some nights she'll eat the grain I make (she loves quinoa and nearly any sort of bread) and maybe the veggie (if it's broccoli or salad) and she'll have a piece of cheese or deli turkey along with it.
The boy's diet is now richly varied; the girl's diet is still EXTREMELY limited. I made them the same foods when they were babies/toddlers/preschoolers, and I offer them the same foods now. It's PERSONALITY, people. Maybe body chemistry has something to do with it, I don't know, but I am now convinced that some kids are just picky no matter what you do. I do think kids go through stages as far as what they're willing to eat, but I don't think there's a damn thing parents can do to control this other than enter into a battle of wills with the kid(s) in question. I do NOT want food to be a weapon in my house. Now that my kids are older and I'm not all hung up on growth charts and guidelines, my policy is to make healthy food available to them (remember, I've stopped buying fruit snacks, chicken nuggets and fish sticks along with a few other processed foods) and turn 'em loose. I do worry like hell whether the girl child is getting a balanced diet when some weeks it seems like she LIVES on cheese sandwiches and carrots, but I no longer worry about whether she's getting enough to eat. Because she knows where we keep the food, and she has access to it, so if she's hungry it's her own damn fault.
And that's all I have to say about that.
FOR NOW.
*Please don't anyone get all snippy with my use of the pronoun "you" in this piece. I'm not talking about YOU SPECIFICALLY. I'm talking about the GENERIC you. I KNOW some parents, many parents, manage to avoid this little trap I'm illustrating here. And if you have, well, good for THE SPECIFIC you. You have my undying admiration.
Showing posts with label won't anyone think of the children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label won't anyone think of the children. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
While we're waiting for inspiration to strike...
Hey everyone! Since I seem to have trouble remembering to write in this damn thing, and since I seem to be making the same old crappe over and over again anyway (steak! tacos! burgers! lather! rinse! repeat!), howsabout an update on the reason I started this blog in the first place?
Originally the purpose of this blog was to record the results of an experiment of sorts. (More info on that over in the sidebar.) See, I had always been the kind of mom who made two different meals for dinner every night -- one for the adults, and one for the kids. It was wearing me down and making me crabby, so on the first day of summer vacation last year, when my kids were 10 and 8 years old, I decided to start making ONE MEAL ONLY at dinner. I would make the adult meal, cooking enough for four instead of two. If my kids didn't want what I was offering for dinner, they were free to Make [Their] Own Damn Dinner! They had to have (at least) a protein and a veggie, approved by me, but they had to make it themselves.
At the same time, I stopped buying chicken nuggets, fish sticks and fruit snacks, which together were making up a huge portion of my kids' diets. I haven't forbidden them from ever HAVING those things -- they still eat them at school and when we go out for dinner -- I'm just not buying them to have at home anymore. If they want chicken, they can have one of the lovely chicken dishes I make (Thomas Keller's roast chicken and Nigella Lawson's chicken with lemon and garlic being two favorites). If they want fish, I am happy to cook up some salmon or tilapia or trout. If they want fruit, they can have some actual FRUIT. No more fake food around here, yo!
The primary goal, of course, was for me to stop being such a short-order cook at suppertime. In this, the experiment succeeded wonderfully. I now make ONE meal, and whoever doesn't want it makes his or her (say it with me now) own damn dinner!
The secondary goal was to get my kids to expand their palates a little bit. I thought for sure they would get tired of making themselves peanut butter sandwiches every night and start trying some of the food I made. In this, the experiment was only PARTIALLY successful.
The boy has amazed me. He now eats what I make a good 75-80% of the time. He has happily gobbled down steaks, salmon, ropa vecchia, spaghetti squash, tortilla soup and a bunch of other stuff that I thought he'd never consent to try in a million years. He's nearly always willing to at least TRY whatever I make for dinner. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't and ends up eating peanut butter, but I am so proud of him for being adventurous!
And even better, he has expressed a strong interest in learning how to cook. He now helps me prepare dinner almost every night. I started him out slow but now he's wielding my Wusthof knives and sauteing stuff on our gas rangetop like a pro! He really enjoys learning about the science behind cooking -- how fats melt and sugars caramelize and cell walls burst to release liquids and stuff. I have taught him little tricks, like how to make sure things cook evenly and how to know when to turn things and stuff like that. We are having so much fun, and he is quite the little sous chef!
The girl, on the other hand, remains as finicky and stubborn as ever! She never makes a fuss at mealtime, but I can't get this kid to try anything new! Even when she, too, helps with the cooking, half the time she has no interest in eating whatever it is we've made (with the exception of dessert, sigh). Her standard dinner now is a cheese sandwich (whole wheat bread and American cheese, no condiments) and some raw baby carrots. She eats that at least four nights a week. That's also her standard lunch on school days because she's very rarely interested in the school's hot lunch (whereas I literally can't remember the last time the boy brought his lunch from home). Thank goodness for chewable gummy vitamins, is all I can say.
She has started eating a FEW new things, though. She'll happily eat a homemade hamburger. She'll eat steak but only if DH makes it. She'll usually eat a pork chop if it's just grilled or broiled with no sauce or anything on it. Other than that, she sticks to the old standbys she was eating before the experiment started. Sigh.
ANYWAY. I know the focus of the blog has changed a bit since then, but I thought some of you old-timers might enjoy an update on how the original experiment was going. It's going!
Originally the purpose of this blog was to record the results of an experiment of sorts. (More info on that over in the sidebar.) See, I had always been the kind of mom who made two different meals for dinner every night -- one for the adults, and one for the kids. It was wearing me down and making me crabby, so on the first day of summer vacation last year, when my kids were 10 and 8 years old, I decided to start making ONE MEAL ONLY at dinner. I would make the adult meal, cooking enough for four instead of two. If my kids didn't want what I was offering for dinner, they were free to Make [Their] Own Damn Dinner! They had to have (at least) a protein and a veggie, approved by me, but they had to make it themselves.
At the same time, I stopped buying chicken nuggets, fish sticks and fruit snacks, which together were making up a huge portion of my kids' diets. I haven't forbidden them from ever HAVING those things -- they still eat them at school and when we go out for dinner -- I'm just not buying them to have at home anymore. If they want chicken, they can have one of the lovely chicken dishes I make (Thomas Keller's roast chicken and Nigella Lawson's chicken with lemon and garlic being two favorites). If they want fish, I am happy to cook up some salmon or tilapia or trout. If they want fruit, they can have some actual FRUIT. No more fake food around here, yo!
The primary goal, of course, was for me to stop being such a short-order cook at suppertime. In this, the experiment succeeded wonderfully. I now make ONE meal, and whoever doesn't want it makes his or her (say it with me now) own damn dinner!
The secondary goal was to get my kids to expand their palates a little bit. I thought for sure they would get tired of making themselves peanut butter sandwiches every night and start trying some of the food I made. In this, the experiment was only PARTIALLY successful.
The boy has amazed me. He now eats what I make a good 75-80% of the time. He has happily gobbled down steaks, salmon, ropa vecchia, spaghetti squash, tortilla soup and a bunch of other stuff that I thought he'd never consent to try in a million years. He's nearly always willing to at least TRY whatever I make for dinner. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't and ends up eating peanut butter, but I am so proud of him for being adventurous!
And even better, he has expressed a strong interest in learning how to cook. He now helps me prepare dinner almost every night. I started him out slow but now he's wielding my Wusthof knives and sauteing stuff on our gas rangetop like a pro! He really enjoys learning about the science behind cooking -- how fats melt and sugars caramelize and cell walls burst to release liquids and stuff. I have taught him little tricks, like how to make sure things cook evenly and how to know when to turn things and stuff like that. We are having so much fun, and he is quite the little sous chef!
The girl, on the other hand, remains as finicky and stubborn as ever! She never makes a fuss at mealtime, but I can't get this kid to try anything new! Even when she, too, helps with the cooking, half the time she has no interest in eating whatever it is we've made (with the exception of dessert, sigh). Her standard dinner now is a cheese sandwich (whole wheat bread and American cheese, no condiments) and some raw baby carrots. She eats that at least four nights a week. That's also her standard lunch on school days because she's very rarely interested in the school's hot lunch (whereas I literally can't remember the last time the boy brought his lunch from home). Thank goodness for chewable gummy vitamins, is all I can say.
She has started eating a FEW new things, though. She'll happily eat a homemade hamburger. She'll eat steak but only if DH makes it. She'll usually eat a pork chop if it's just grilled or broiled with no sauce or anything on it. Other than that, she sticks to the old standbys she was eating before the experiment started. Sigh.
ANYWAY. I know the focus of the blog has changed a bit since then, but I thought some of you old-timers might enjoy an update on how the original experiment was going. It's going!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Let's review: the end!
Okay, so this whole thing started as a summer experiment. Up until this past May, I was the kind of mom who made separate food for the adults and kids for dinner every night. Then it occurred to me that at eight and ten years of age, my kids were old enough to make their own damn dinner if they didn't like what the adults were having. And so, starting on the first day of summer vacation this year, I stopped making separate food for them. No more substituting frozen chicken nuggets or fish sticks for whatever meat DH and I were having, yo!
The primary goal was, of course, for me to only make one "menu" at dinner every night. In that respect, the experiment has been a success. While frequently I do make an effort to prepare foods that I know the kids like, no longer do I make separate food JUST for them. I make what I make, and they can take it or leave it. They know that they have to include a protein and a veggie or fruit in their meal in order for me to "approve" it, but apart from that, they're on their own. And I'm finding mealtime MUCH less of a chore these days.
My secondary goal was to get the kids to expand their palates a little and try some new foods. I feel like we managed to do pretty well with this goal, too. Both kids have tried and liked some new foods (meat in particular -- sorry, vegetarians!)(okay no, I'm not really sorry) and they've managed to surprise me and themselves with that, I think!
In my heart of hearts, I kind of hoped that by the end of the summer we'd all be eating the same foods at dinnertime. I thought the kids would likely get tired of peanut butter sandwiches and shredded cheese and raw carrots and whatnot and just start eating what I made. That, sadly, has NOT happened. Oh well.
SO. The thing is, school starts tomorrow! Summer vacation is only 81 days long -- who knew? And so the experiment is technically over, which leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. I'm not really keen on continuing to record what the kids do and do not eat every night, because I'm getting a little bored with that. However, I really have enjoyed the menu/cooking aspect of the ol' blog here, and I'd kind of like to keep that going.
So what do y'all say? Are you still interested in reading what I make for dinner (almost) every night? If so, do you want more recipes and how-to? Let me know!
The primary goal was, of course, for me to only make one "menu" at dinner every night. In that respect, the experiment has been a success. While frequently I do make an effort to prepare foods that I know the kids like, no longer do I make separate food JUST for them. I make what I make, and they can take it or leave it. They know that they have to include a protein and a veggie or fruit in their meal in order for me to "approve" it, but apart from that, they're on their own. And I'm finding mealtime MUCH less of a chore these days.
My secondary goal was to get the kids to expand their palates a little and try some new foods. I feel like we managed to do pretty well with this goal, too. Both kids have tried and liked some new foods (meat in particular -- sorry, vegetarians!)(okay no, I'm not really sorry) and they've managed to surprise me and themselves with that, I think!
In my heart of hearts, I kind of hoped that by the end of the summer we'd all be eating the same foods at dinnertime. I thought the kids would likely get tired of peanut butter sandwiches and shredded cheese and raw carrots and whatnot and just start eating what I made. That, sadly, has NOT happened. Oh well.
SO. The thing is, school starts tomorrow! Summer vacation is only 81 days long -- who knew? And so the experiment is technically over, which leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. I'm not really keen on continuing to record what the kids do and do not eat every night, because I'm getting a little bored with that. However, I really have enjoyed the menu/cooking aspect of the ol' blog here, and I'd kind of like to keep that going.
So what do y'all say? Are you still interested in reading what I make for dinner (almost) every night? If so, do you want more recipes and how-to? Let me know!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Day 73 - the girl child cooks!
Family Menu
Now the boy child is trying to plan out his menu so he can cook one of these nights. Should be interesting!
- pigs in the blanket
- mini crescent rolls
- salad with chopped celery
- peanut butter for celery dipping
- baked potato chips with onion dip
- multigrain tortilla chips with queso
- ooey-gooey marshmallow brownies for dessert
Now the boy child is trying to plan out his menu so he can cook one of these nights. Should be interesting!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Let's review: one month in (more or less)
I've been feeling really uninspired the past couple of weeks. I haven't been feeling all that great and haven't really felt much like cooking. There have been way too many pizza nights lately, and way too many Lunchables for lunch (I know I don't post lunches here, but they are a continuous thorn in my side).
And while I'm still not having to cook separate dinners for kids and adults, the kids don't seem to be trying as many new foods lately. Shredded cheese has become a staple, and while technically I approve whatever they make themselves for dinner, I'm not always thrilled with their choices.
I guess I had visions of them making themselves peanut butter sandwiches nearly every night, getting sick of them, and slowly beginning to eat what the adults eat so that we'd eventually all be eating the same thing for dinner. But that's really not happening.
Oh well.
Check back later for tonight's dinner, at which the kids are guaranteed to turn up their noses but I DON'T CARE.
And while I'm still not having to cook separate dinners for kids and adults, the kids don't seem to be trying as many new foods lately. Shredded cheese has become a staple, and while technically I approve whatever they make themselves for dinner, I'm not always thrilled with their choices.
I guess I had visions of them making themselves peanut butter sandwiches nearly every night, getting sick of them, and slowly beginning to eat what the adults eat so that we'd eventually all be eating the same thing for dinner. But that's really not happening.
Oh well.
Check back later for tonight's dinner, at which the kids are guaranteed to turn up their noses but I DON'T CARE.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Let's review: two weeks in
I am really pleased with how Operation Make Your Own Damn Dinner is going so far. Both kids have tried and liked some new foods, and better yet, when they don't like what we're having they MAKE THEIR OWN DAMN DINNER! Dinnertime has become much less of a chore for me without having to juggle kid food and adult food, which is all to the good.
When we started this experiment, I banned three foods from our house: chicken nuggets, breaded fish sticks, and fruit snacks. I'm not saying my kids can never have these foods again, I'm just saying I won't be keeping them in the house. They had started eating way too much of this stuff and I was totally enabling it by buying and cooking it. No more! If they want something fruity, they can have some actual FRUIT. If they want chicken, they can have actual CHICKEN. Same with fish. No more food that isn't really food around here, yo.
Just cutting out fruit snacks, to which my kids were completely addicted, has cut way down on the amount of sugar they're getting. I don't know if it's the diet or the relaxed pace of summer or some combination thereof, but I've noticed both kids are on a much more even keel these past several days. (For those who don't know, the boy child has Asperger Syndrome and the girl was recently diagnosed bipolar.) They aren't fighting nearly as much as usual and the girl child has had far fewer mood swings lately. Again, I don't know if it's the new diet, but it certainly isn't HURTING anything!
Anyway, so far so good.
When we started this experiment, I banned three foods from our house: chicken nuggets, breaded fish sticks, and fruit snacks. I'm not saying my kids can never have these foods again, I'm just saying I won't be keeping them in the house. They had started eating way too much of this stuff and I was totally enabling it by buying and cooking it. No more! If they want something fruity, they can have some actual FRUIT. If they want chicken, they can have actual CHICKEN. Same with fish. No more food that isn't really food around here, yo.
Just cutting out fruit snacks, to which my kids were completely addicted, has cut way down on the amount of sugar they're getting. I don't know if it's the diet or the relaxed pace of summer or some combination thereof, but I've noticed both kids are on a much more even keel these past several days. (For those who don't know, the boy child has Asperger Syndrome and the girl was recently diagnosed bipolar.) They aren't fighting nearly as much as usual and the girl child has had far fewer mood swings lately. Again, I don't know if it's the new diet, but it certainly isn't HURTING anything!
Anyway, so far so good.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Introduction
I have no one but myself to blame for the fact that my children would not touch with a ten foot pole approximately 99.5% of the delicious food items many other children happily consume on a daily basis. Yes, internets, it is all my fault. I am one of THOSE MOMS. The ones who cook separate food for the children and adults in the household.
You see, as an idealistic new mom (you can go barf now, I'll wait) I was determined that mealtime would not be a struggle. No food battles in my house, yo! And so if one of my adorable little tots tried something once and hated it, I never served it to them again. Likewise, if they tried and liked something, it became a staple in their diets. This is why I have two children who regard things like homemade soup and fish in non-breaded-stick form as poison that will cause their guts to EXPLODE RIGHT THERE IN THE DINING ROOM.
But that's all about to change. Since my kids are older now (10 and 8 years of age, respectively), I've decided that if they don't like what the adults are having for dinner, they can make their own. It has to include protein and a veggie, but apart from that they're on their own. This plan goes into effect on the first day of summer vacation.
Which was today.
You see, as an idealistic new mom (you can go barf now, I'll wait) I was determined that mealtime would not be a struggle. No food battles in my house, yo! And so if one of my adorable little tots tried something once and hated it, I never served it to them again. Likewise, if they tried and liked something, it became a staple in their diets. This is why I have two children who regard things like homemade soup and fish in non-breaded-stick form as poison that will cause their guts to EXPLODE RIGHT THERE IN THE DINING ROOM.
But that's all about to change. Since my kids are older now (10 and 8 years of age, respectively), I've decided that if they don't like what the adults are having for dinner, they can make their own. It has to include protein and a veggie, but apart from that they're on their own. This plan goes into effect on the first day of summer vacation.
Which was today.
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