No corned beef here

Tonight's Menu

• Guinness roast beef
  
• mashed potatoes
  
• buttered cabbage
  

I literally dreamed up this beef recipe. At night, while I was asleep. I know. I'm a freak.

What I did was take a big ol' beef roast (I think it was either chuck or shoulder), season it with salt and pepper, and brown it on both sides in a skillet. Then I whomped it in a baking pan with about a tablespoon of whole peppercorns, one chopped onion, three large bay leaves and a bottle of Guinness stout. Cover, cook in the oven at 250 degrees F for about 4-5 hours, then remove from oven. Take the beef out of the pan (it will be falling apart, if you're lucky) and set it aside to keep warm. Then pour the pan juices through a mesh strainer into a saucepan, discarding the onion, peppercorns and bay leaves. Whisk a bit of flour and water into the pan juices, bring to a boil, and cook until the gravy has thickened. Serve alongside beef.

The mashed potatoes were Ore-Ida frozen, jazzed up with butter, salt and pepper. I know, my Irish ancestors are all rolling in their graves.

The cabbage was half a head of savoy, chopped into large-ish chunks, then steamed in a pan on the stove (just add a couple of tablespoons of water to the cabbage, then cover and simmer) until crisp-tender. Then I tossed in a big knob of butter, some salt and freshly ground pepper. Then I poured myself a Guinness and forgot that I'd left the stove on. Heh. It didn't burn, thank goodness, but it got a bit more caramelized than I was really going for. Oh well, it was still good.

I don't usually talk about dessert on here, but you all have to bear witness to the degree that I half-assed this thing. I knew I should make SOME sort of special dessert, it being St. Patrick's Day and all, but I didn't want to mess with cookies or cake or anything like that. Besides, by the time I thought of dessert, the meat was already in the oven on low heat so I couldn't have baked anything anyway. I had just about decided to run to the corner drugstore and pray that they had a box of lime Jello (what? it's green!) when I remembered some no-bake cookies that I used to make for my kids when they were little. I knew they involved oatmeal somehow, and oatmeal = Irish! It does! Shut up!

Anyway, I found the recipe! (If that link doesn't work, search Allrecipes.com for Carolina Delights.) So I made them. I couldn't even be arsed to make them into drop cookies; I just dumped the pot of goo into a 9x13-inch baking dish (which made for REALLY thin bar cookies -- you might want to go with an 8- or 9-inch square pan instead if you try this at home).

For an extra measure of Irish-osity, I drizzled them with an icing made from powdered sugar, milk and green food coloring. Oh hell yeah, I did.

If I were Catholic, I'd have to go to confession over this, y'all. But I'm not, so I believe I'll just have another Guinness!

Slainte!